JASIMO_DISCMAN

The cover images pictured here on this post come directly from my own physical media collection.

Just in time for ‘America 250’, I have formally declared a reboot of this site after wrangling with building up my ‘frustrating’ social media existence. Hopefully, you see more of what I will be writing about from this point forward. but it’ll take plenty of time and dedication. Movie info, format comparisons, mystery unboxings, and more will await.

But now, it is time to kick off a series where each month I will present six video titles from my library on any given format. Expect some general information and a hint of criticism, but I guarantee there will be no spoilers or too much revealing of a movie’s contents. The whole purpose is to enrich and enlighten the spirit of physical media in my own words. With a near endless library of titles spanning formats in range from VHS to 4K Bluray, it’s a chance to discover content that wouldn’t be possible on any given streaming service.

While I am going to cover some of the most recent titles in future updates, there is a great deal of interest for old. As in ‘old movies’ that are time-tested and worth rediscovering in the modern age. Most folks usually prefer them as “they just don’t make them like these anymore”. That’s why my library is stocked with older movies and they’ll appear better on 4K, too.

Many of my written summaries were ported from Instagram during the making of this post, with plenty more on the way, And now, on with the program…

This is the movie my parents didn’t want me to see after accidentally renting it… CHOPPING MALL (1986, rated R), which still retains cult fanfare to this day. It’s a wildly insane mixture of horror, action and product placement filled with gruesome splatter FX that takes the joy out of shopping malls and blasts them to smithereens. Conversely, it’s a cultural byproduct of the 1980s when shopping malls were in abundance as kids found the perfect hangout to fool around and have fun.

Only this time, it’s the kids who are getting fooled and it won’t be fun at all. They gather around inside a furniture store while the entire mall is closed for the night. The mall’s newly deployed security robots are going haywire after an electrical storm as they’ve been suddenly programmed to neutralize its victims. Can they survive the night after hours or will they ‘have a nice day’?

I can sense this movie bearing footprints of B-movie legend Roger Corman. He founded the studio Concorde Pictures which released this, his wife Julie is the producer, and Corman regulars Paul Bartel, Mary Woronov and Dick Miller make brief appearances. Also of fan-related interest is cast member Kelli Maroney, previously in NIGHT OF THE COMET doing battle against evil forces in — where else? — a shopping mall.

Originally known under the alternate name ‘Killbots’, CHOPPING MALL helped inaugurate the revival of the Vestron Video label as the debut film in its ‘Collector’s Series’ for Lionsgate. Interestingly, it was first released on VHS by way of the former Vestron subsidiary label called Lightning Video and had become a major staple in movie rental stores.

ROLLERBALL (1975, rated R) pretty much broke the rules when it first came out, not as feature film but the depiction of the sport itself. Roller derby was popular in its day, so they came up with a science fiction state of mind while inserting just enough brutality to give this one a great deal of rough and rumble.

The violent action sequences are easily the best parts of the film, but therein lies a character story of a star player who’s taking on one final challenge as he faces retirement from the corporate-owned sport known as ‘Rollerball’, a combination of football and hockey on a collision course with skates and motorcycles. James Caan stars in the lead role, and supported by John Houseman, Moses Gunn and Maud Adams.

This was not the only Seventies film about roller sports, as UNHOLY ROLLERS and KANSAS CITY BOMBER tackled the subject first — both had starred women leads Claudia Jennings and Raquel Welch, respectively. On the other hand, DEATH RACE 2000 — released that very same year, 1975 — utilized the similar premise of ‘deathsport’. To genre fans, it might have helped to influence THE RUNNING MAN as well! A remake of the original ROLLERBALL was released to lackluster reviews in 2002.

Even if you haven’t seen the entire picture before, one very small peep at the alluring Rita Hayworth in clips from GILDA (1946, no MPA rating) will leave you breathless. In a signature performance, she seeks to attract men by being attractive in an hourglass onstage and off, and that’s goes for attracting the viewer himself. I found much of the plotting difficult to comprehend throughout its 110-minute running time, but forget all that. Focus and feast your eyes on the goddess Rita and you can clearly see why this film still holds up after eight straight decades. It’s a man’s world after all even if you hate the fact.

The noir-like story is otherwise a tale of jealousy, hatred and revenge over one woman. A traveler from America named Johnny Farrell (played by Glenn Ford) arrives to Buenos Aries when he’s been accepted of a job by the proprietor of an illegal gambling operation. But much to his surprise, Johnny finds the sensual and ‘decent’ Gilda (Hayworth) who was his former romance and discovers that she’s been married, setting off a series of twists and turns.

Biggest highlight of ‘em all: ‘Put The Blame On Mame’, which will stay stuck in your head forever and ever. It reminds me of Jessica Rabbit all the same. The pin-up Hayworth enjoyed a long string of successful movie roles for Columbia Pictures before and after her star-making mark as the titular ‘Gilda’, one of the most seductive characters from Old Hollywood.

This is one of those movies you haven’t really taken notice of until you stumble right upon it — A MAN A WOMAN AND A BANK (1979, rated PG). Advertised as a knockoff heist comedy, it sounds like the title of a schmaltzy by-the-numbers made-for-TV movie filmed on location in Vancouver, and perhaps it is.

The story involves a bank robbery scheme being planned by a computer wizard (Donald Sutherland) and his partner (Paul Mazursky), only to cross paths into a complicated romance with a photographer (Brooke Adams).

There are a couple of major pointers to keep in mind: one, is that the family of teen star Kristy McNichol — coincidentally of the TV series FAMILY — secured the financial backing for this picture. Two, is that Sutherland and Adams made for the screen’s unlikely romantic pairing as they were the lead cast members of the previous year’s INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978).

This might be the dorkiest close-to-two-hour movie of epic length I’ve ever crossed paths with. THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE (1983, rated R) blends cartoonish comedy with a Cold War espionage thriller while absorbing the idea that wearing 3-D glasses make it look like a View Master coming to life. Objects are rendered as if they’re going to stick out of your TV screen with in-your-face realism, and while that sounds neat, you get a movie that doesn’t make sense. It’s a real bottom of the barrel mess, and a fine candidate for bad movie nights. 

There’s plenty I’ve learned from watching BOMBs like these — as famed critic Leonard Maltin famously coined that term in his series of movie review books — and that is repeated viewings are a must. In a fun but guilty way, that is.

Right before his claim to fame in POLICE ACADEMY, Steve Guttenberg stars as a government employee who has his wedding day going off the rails when he consumes a formula that turns him invisible and is chased in the process by Russians.

I watched several scenes of this film with a couple of striking details: one is where strings are visibly attached to floating objects — it actually happened in WILLY WONKA!; two, the gratuitous amount of nudity making full use of its 3-D viewing potential.

The 1981 oddball western COMIN’ AT YA sparked the resurgence of 3-D movies whose gimmick actually works at the expense of absent-minded plot and character development. THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE pretty much arrived and died all at once. Four decades later, Kino Lorber came to the scene by working with 3D Film Archive on the Blu-ray release that includes a pair of glasses specifically designed with 3-D in mind. I tested watching a few scenes with it and the effect is truly eye-popping, if not overly astounding. A real novelty.

STAND AND DELIVER (1988, rated PG) remains one of the most inspiring films about teachers going to great lengths. What started out in theatrical release quickly rolled over into airings on the PBS series AMERICAN PLAYHOUSE and school-wide curriculums using those tall TV/VCR stands in front of the chalkboard. That much I remember well, because the compelling script makes for this film’s winning formula — something to be shared again and again for students of all generations.

Best known for his role in MIAMI VICE, Edward James Olmos turns in a superb performance in this account of Jaime Escalante, a fish-out-of-water math teacher of East L.A.-based Garfield High. This run-down campus is mostly attended by Latinos, but as it loses accreditation he makes a lauded career move by making the most out of his pupils through ‘ganas’… that is, the advanced subject of calculus in preparations for a major exam. Lou Diamond Philips, fresh from his acclaimed role as Ritchie Valens in LA BAMBA, is also cast among the 18 students who are destined to make history.

Tackling calculus may seem like a very uncommon subject in the movies, but in the end, it was a true story with a bold statement. Ideally, the title of the movie is named after a song by the pop / rock outfit Mr. Mister. I’ve seen this a plenty number of times, and maybe you should too.

Which of the six titles, if you have ever heard or seen them before, is your most loved or most hated of all time? Drop me an answer in the comments!